The Last Thing You Want To Do
How to plan an economically sane funeral.
By Tim Matson
Guess what? You're going to die. Not today (with luck),
not tomorrow (you hope), but some day. The Grim Reaper waits.
Sure, you already knew that, and you try not to think about
it. But before you flip the page, let me tell you the problem
with death denial (those undertakers who happily profit on
death fears can stop reading now). Ignorance may be bliss when
it comes to mortality, but it's going to cost you.
A couple of years ago, hitting my mid-50s, I'd heard
about enough overpriced funerals and unsatisfactory memorial
services to take a stab at saving my relatives some money, and
possibly unnecessary grief and confusion, by making my own
funeral plan. I was also inspired by the story of a
north-woods logger who built his own coffin and slept in it,
"To get used to it,' he said. Talk about confronting your
demons.
I'd already spent plenty of time trying not to think
about death. (My favorite ale was a dark brew called Courage.)
But how long can you ignore the gray hairs, back aches, and
general dilapidation? So I hit the road, dropping in on
undertakers and coffin makers, stone carvers and grave
diggers, looking for a simple exit strategy. In the process I
gained a surprise dividend: emotional peace.
There was a bottom line rationale for my quest. As a
tight fisted Vermonter, I don't like the notion of being
fleeced by an undertaker when I'm in no position to fight
back. Maybe you heard about the unidentified woman who froze
to death under a car in Minnesota. In compliance with state
law, an undertaker was appointed to handle her funeral
arrangements. He planned to collect the usual nominal fee from
the state, until it was discovered that the deceased had an
impressive estate. The undertaker was able to raise his fee
and, according to an attorney in mortuary law, "earn some
extra income for a limited amount of work." A nasty preview of
the surprisingly common fate many of us will share:
Post-mortem larceny.
Strange, how little we're taught about one of life's
big events. According to a recent study, 75 percent of hospice
patients don't discuss death with their families. Marriage,
sex, birth, growing tomatoes - we're up to the neck in life
skills information. But death? Leave it to the experts.
Positive
Trends
There are 23,000 funeral homes in the United States,
and they take in $25 billion every year (more than the airline
industry and garbage collection). Not bad for a business that
hardly existed 150 years ago, when deaths were handled by
families, the church, or the local sawbones.
All that began to change with the industrial age. If
you couldn't keep people down on the farm, the pursuit of
happiness often ended with no one to dispose of the body.
Enter the undertaker (with help from a Civil War doctor who
invented an embalming process that made it possible to
preserve and transport bodies with one profitable stop at the
funeral home). Back then it was called a mortuary, but funeral
home had a much nicer ring to it, and the undertaker (make
that funeral director) was catching on to a brilliant
psychological insight. As Americans lost their intimate
contact with death, they were just as happy to forget about
the whole damned thing. It wasn't just industrial streamlining
that inspired coffin makers to ditch the six-sided "toe
pincher." A rectangular shape looked so much less like what it
was. Changing the name to casket boosted the antiseptic effect
even more.
The campaign continues today. Over the past decade or
so, 10 to 15 percent of the funeral homes in the United States
have been bought out by corporate chains whose names have been
sanitized of any sepulchral trace, among the biggest is
Service Corporation International (SCI). But they've made sure
the Mom and Pop funeral parlors they acquired retain their
trusted names. However, they have made big changes in
mark-ups, often lure unwary customers into lucrative
contracts, and occasionally even engage in deceptive deals
with church organizations to corral customers. Coffin prices
continue to be one of the worst over-charges, even after an
FTC ruling in 1984 that allowed customers to buy their own
coffins. Funeral directors still can charge as much as $1,000
for bring-your-own coffin "handling fees." (Virginia,
Louisiana and Oklahoma still won't permit you to buy your own
coffin.)
Before the stock market began its current meltdown, the
death rush went bust. SCI is on the rocks. Financial analysts
chalk it up to overpayment for acquisitions, but customers no
doubt are also beginning to shy away from expensive services,
especially of the last-minute, unplanned variety.
Consumer advocate Lisa Carlson, head of the Funeral
Consumer's Alliance, suggests that an impromptu funeral is
likely to cost much more than a planned event. "If you don't
do your homework, it's like giving the funeral home a blank
check," she warns. She points out that in the age of the
internet, it's not difficult to research funeral options and
costs on the web. Considering that funeral expenses average
$6,000 in the United States, not including cemetery and
monument costs (which bring the total up to $8,000, according
to the American Association of Retired Persons), there's
plenty of opportunity for savings.
Resources
So how exactly do you leave this world without being
taken for a ride? Begin by asking yourself some basic
questions. First, cremation or whole body burial? The funeral
industry would prefer to put all of you 6 feet under because
that's where the biggest profit lies. To bury a body usually
involves treatment in a funeral home, often incurring hefty
charges for cosmetology and embalming. Then there's the
hearse, burial plot, headstone, and protective vault (to
prevent the sod from collapsing on a rotting casket-sorry, in
most cemeteries it's the law). Not to mention the coffin,
which can cost thousands by itself, most of it in humongous
funeral-home mark-ups. Throw in a memorial services, wake, and
graveside ceremony, and we're talking real money. Oh, don't
forget the flowers. No wonder so many people are opting for
cremation (25 percent now, and the number is rising
dramatically). There's a new crematorium in my neighborhood
that charges only $550, which includes pickup of the body and
personal delivery of the remains. The young owner even throws
in a composite granite urn, gratis. When local undertakers
heard about this upstart, they tried to put him out of
business for operating an unlicensed funeral home. He argued
that he was simply operating a crematorium. Big difference,
legally. The Vermont attorney general gave him a green light.
After reading about this no-frills rebel, I visited the
crematorium (in an old coffin factory), checked out the retort
(looks like a maple sap evaporator), and signed up. The
average person requires about 40 pounds of gas to be cooked
down to a five pound mound of gray ash. The ashes are scooped
out of the oven into your choice of container: plain cardboard
box, granite urn, or wooden cube, which costs extra.
Alas, the benefits of a quick, low budget cremation may
be offset by a regrettable tendency to procrastinate when it
comes to dealing with ash disposal. Did the deceased forget to
leave instructions? Is the family itself scattered around the
countryside, unable to gather for a timely sprinkling
ceremony? Showing me around his funeral parlor, one undertaker
opened the door into a room full of blue cardboard
boxes-unclaimed ashes. If you don't want to wind up a trapped
spirit in cosmic limbo, warn your family that you'll come back
to haunt them if they ignore your wishes.
In fact, whatever your plans, a family discussion is
essential. One bromide of the funeral trade still holds true:
funerals are for the living. No sense inflicting unnecessary
pain on the survivors.
If you do choose a whole body funeral, you're probably
going to need the services of a funeral home. The body is
usually transported from the place of death to the funeral
establishment, where it is prepared for burial. However,
unless the body can be buried within a few days, it may need
to be embalmed. If a memorial service is planned with the
deceased present, the body is placed in a coffin and
transported to the church or synagogue. It's also usually
possible to have a memorial service at the funeral home
itself. Burial customarily follows the service.
If ever there were a time for planning, this is it.
People are often so grief-stricken when a relative dies that
rational choices are impossible, and some undertakers cash in
on this pain. But remember, plan ahead doesn't mean pay ahead.
Many undertakers will try to coax potential clients into
signing up for a fixed fee funeral "whenever the time comes."
That may sound like a hedge against inflation, but they
can't guarantee how long they'll be in business, or where
you'll die. If you want to be sure the money will be there
when it's needed, put it in a bank.
Fortunately, there are alternatives to expensive
professional funerals. Most states allow people to handle
funeral details without an undertaker. Options for
do-it-yourself funerals include building the coffin,
transporting the deceased, and even digging a backyard grave.
In many states it's legal to bury a body on your own land,
although there is usually some permitting required (including
signed death certificate). In circumstances involving
contagious diseases like hepatitis B and AIDS, special
precautions have to be taken. Check with your state health
department and town zoning administration first. The Funeral
Consumer's Alliance can help, too. Home burials aren't for
everyone, but a resourceful do-it-yourselfer can skip
cremation entirely, build a coffin (or simply use a shroud),
and dig the grave. For those who bury their own dead, the
motivation usually is less financial than spiritual. Again,
the burial plot should be recorded in town documents. There's
also a small but growing movement here and in England to
"green burials," in specifically designated cemeteries, which
dispense with coffins and vaults entirely.
Burial options aren't the only decisions you face.
Advances in medical technology have made it possible to
recycle various body parts, and many people feel ennobled by
the idea of giving someone the gift of life when they die.
Clearly, there's no lack of demand, with a national registry
of potential recipients that outnumbers donors 3 to 1.
To avoid the potential for ethical abuses, financial
rewards are not permitted for organ donation (although the
hospital does pay the "harvesting" costs). Donating your body
for medical research affords some financial benefits. The
medical school usually pays for the cost of cremation, and may
offer to bury the remains.
Most people prefer to arrange for the interment
themselves. In fact, there's a trend of bringing the deceased
home for burial (if he or she isn't there already). With ashes
the process is relatively straightforward. The funeral
director or crematory operator picks up the body and sends or
delivers the ashes. In most states, no permit is needed to
scatter ashes on your own property, or the ocean. It's often
possible to create a small private cemetery on your land.
Whether you build a coffin, bury a body or help plan a
service, it's essential to play a part in funeral preparation
to achieve a sense of closure. More than a year after her
father's death, a friend still regrets being rushed through
memorial preparations by the undertaker. "He handled
everything," she said. "I don't feel like I was really
involved, it happened so fast."
As for my plans, aside from the choice to be cremated,
I'm leaving it up to my family to arrange a memorial service.
Surprise me. But forget the cardboard box. I found a fallen
maple tree limb and carved it into an urn. It's not big enough
to sleep in, but it makes a great cookie jar, while I'm
waiting.
Adapted from Round Trip to Deadsville, by Tim Matson. ©
2000 Tim Matson, published in the U.S. by Chelsea Green
Publishing Co., White River Junction, Vermont, or call
Mother's Bookshelf at (800) 888-9098.
Positive Trends
Kelly Smith is public relations director for the
National Funeral Directors Association, in Brookfield,
Wisconsin. He keeps an eye on surveys and trends connected to
the funeral business, as well as updating his more than 13,000
members and the public on current issues.
Smith emphasized planning and said it's important to
get the family involved in the process. Plans made in
isolation may not jibe with family members' wishes, and
they'll be the ones doing the work. If you plan to use a
funeral home, decide how much you want to spend, and how the
payment will be made. "Make sure the funeral home has provided
all price information," he said. "Talk to the funeral director
about payment. It can be tough to liquidate assets after a
death. Make sure someone can get at the money."
Kelly said advancement payment contracts may be
attractive to those who have no relatives or friends to take
care of their wishes. "Advance payment can also be used to
draw down assets for Medicaid purposes."
To choose a funeral home, "Visit some funeral homes and
find out which one feels comfortable, which meets your family
needs best." He suggested that one's children should be
supportive of the plan.
A recent survey showed that people choose a funeral
home based on location, reputation, and the family's previous
experience. An AARP survey shows that 10 to 12 percent more of
us now take the time to shop for a funeral home.
Perhaps the biggest trend of all, Kelly said, was a new
emphasis on families looking for personal, individual
services. "More people want a celebration," he said, "and less
of the traditional mourning."
Tombstones, Tombs & Going Concerns -
Resources
Your Final Act of Love ($29.95) by Lisa
Carlson Upper Access, Inc. PO Box 457 85 Upper Access
Road Hinesburg, VT 05461 802-482-2988 http://www.upperaccess.com/ Comprehensive
funeral information for the lay person. In addition to the
do-it-yourself information, it covers cemetery and crematory
laws and regulations and much more.
I Died Laughing ($8.75) by Lisa Carlson Upper
Access, Inc. (see above address) A genre bending
approach to death that blends humor with useful information
about everything from old age to living wills and cremation,
and funeral rites and rights.
Dealing Creatively with Death ($14.95) by Ernest
Morgan Upper Access, Inc. (see address above) A
small encyclopedia on death related problems, including death
education, hospice, bereavement, simple burial and
cremation.
Round Trip to Deadsville ($22.95) by Tim
Matson Chelsea Green Publishing Company PO Box
428 White River Junction, VT 05001 802-295-6300 http://www.chelseagreen.com/ Tim
Matson takes a wry, vaguely suspicious and whirlwind tour of
the business of death.
Funeral Consumers Alliance PO Box 10 Hinesburg,
VT 05461 800-765-0107 http://www.funerals.org/ A national
advocacy organization with more than 120 local societies and
alliances. All are nonsectarian nonprofit
organizations.
American Association for Retired Persons (AARP) 601
E Street, NW Washington, DC 20049 800-424-3410 http://www.aarp.org/ National
organization offering free reports on many funeral related
issues.
National Funeral Directors Association 11121 W.
Oklahoma Avenue Milwaukee, WI
53227 414-541-2500 Leading trade organization,
providing literature, materials, and speakers on many aspects
of funeral planning.
GREENFIELD COFFINS (in England) Producers of
cardboard coffins http://www.greenfieldcoffins.com/
NATURAL DEATH CARE PROJECT Sebastapol,
California A model project offering education for
personal and legal rights concerning home or family directed
funerals and final disposition. http://www.naturaldeathcare.org/
RAMSEY CREEK RESERVE Ramsey Creek, South
Carolina They have a number of nature preserves where
burial sites are located. An alternative to the traditional
cemetery. http://www.memorialecosystems.com/
TRAPPIST CASKETS Near Dubuque, Iowa Sam Mulgrew,
general manager 888-433-6934 The monastery is
located on the second largest forest preserve in Iowa. The
wood used in the production of the caskets is harvested from
their own trees. http://www.greenfieldcoffins.com/
FANCY COFFINS TO MAKE YOURSELF By Dale L.
Power Schiffer Publishing, Ltd. ISBN:
0764312499 Detailed instructions and color photos
provided to help guide you step by step toward crafting your
own casket. One of the very few books of its kind.
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